I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
