I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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