that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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