Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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