This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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