is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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