I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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