walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
