One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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