You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
