Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
