i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
try to milk me bitch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
