I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
