I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
