Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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