Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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