I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
