Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we're making bets on your personal life
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
