Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
