Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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