trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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