Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
