Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
