you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
