yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
