I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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