I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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