I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
