you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
