I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
