I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
