It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
