I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
