I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
