if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
