In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
