so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
