Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
