yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
