i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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