you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
