new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she told me i tasted like america
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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