What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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