After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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