I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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