she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
