I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
