her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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