i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
