dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
