i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
