Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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