a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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