The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
