everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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