How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
