I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
