there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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