Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
