I think I won the penis lottery.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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